Day 2 -- The Media War Heats Up

Hello, both of you, my devoted readers. Already we have taken flak from no-one in the mainstream media. As you can well imagine, this rankles, perturbs, and outright makes us uncomfortable here at our (my) "newsdesk" -- cleverly concealed as a public computer terminal at the Walled Lake Public Library. What to do? Dissect and then disavow! On to it, then!

HEADLINE NUMBER ONE! (CNN today)

"Hulk Hogan's ex still dating 'kid'"

My, my! Sex sells, sex with young people shocks and then sells, and sex with famous and young people, well -- off the charts, no?! But what do we really think?

"'Cause I need you
Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind
Like the orphan needs home once again" (Lyrics from some song by a band named Copeland)

I think you see what we're getting at here. Next up!

HEADLINE NUMBER TWO!! (msnbc this time)

"State Attorney Fired After Stripper Incident"

He's an attorney, maybe he can "Get himself off"! Get it!! Double entendre, no extra charge!

But what does our wise Editorial Dept. really believe?

This house will bear witness to his piety; this town, his birthplace, to his munificence; history to his patriotism; posterity to the depth and compass of his mind.

• Epitaph for John Adams (1829), inscribed on one of the portals of the United First Parish Church Unitarian (Church of the Presidents), Quincy

Indeed, sirs! Well, we're ready for our last of the day. "Let 'em have it!" he said, famously (yahoo, now):

"Oldest Object Ever Seen in Universe"

No, not Joan Rivers. Our Ed. staff (me) knows, though, what you should think!:

That fatal day for England, the sad destruction of our dear country [dulcis patrie].

• On the Battle of Hastings. (M. T. Clanchy, England and Its Rulers: 1066-1272 (Blackwell, 1998), p. 24.) (William Somebody-With-an-M)

Well now that made no sense at all -- unless you dig deeper, and realize that it makes perfect no-sense.

That's it for today, loyal reader or two! Please do return tomorrow, as we (I) try to to protect our (my) little free enterprise from the yawning maw of the all-consuming standard media machine -- and we (I) do emphasize, "Yawning." Also tomorrow: New lines separating the headlines concept! Way coolio!